Inanna – 2 May 2012
As I look backwards at my life, I think one of the most profound insights I have gained is to look forward with delight as my life changes daily.
I remember as a very young child perceiving life as magical and extraordinary. I loved being alone and contemplating nature. The summer grass was so green, the skies so blue. Winter's snow so white and cold. Autumn leaves brilliant shades of yellow, orange, and red. The Spring rains which brought forth Pussy Willows, Lilacs and Daffodils, and Tulips. The seasons filled me with Awe. I felt God in everything all around me.
I loved to swing. I would imagine myself being able to swing so hard and so high as to literally bail out into the beautiful blue sky. I was amazed at the beauty of the clouds and intrigued that the stars could appear so bright when the sun went down. My childhood was full of mystery and awe. I felt connected to God and all of the Universe.
It was my physical relationships that I could not reconcile. It was as if I slipped from one world, Universal Nature, into a tiny confined physicality with people that neither saw me nor did they hear me. They had no time for me and I felt no value or worth in their eyes. My siblings never had a kind word for me, they made fun and ridiculed me.
Life was full of paradoxes. I existed in a Universe that was expansive and inclusive and then suddenly I would feel as if I had been dropped – and there was no interaction or involvement with the physical beings of my birth family. Most of my early memories are of me being alone. I never felt alone and I didn't necessarily question that fact for I 'truly' was never alone, alone. I had my spirit friends and guides and they kept me company and comforted. I know now that they protected me from more harm than I knew at the time existed around me.
It was allowed that I experienced all facets of abuse before I was eight years old and that was enough for me to learn and experience things that would be my driving force even up to the present time. These experiences have created a deep and abiding desire to know and understand how to break the chains of abuse that have been passed down from generation to generation. I remember always having conversations with these 'friends'. I would carry on long and extensive conversations which were verbally audible. Around the time I was in the fourth or fifth grade my siblings began to belittle and make fun of my talking to people they could not see. They considered this inappropriate behavior for they did not believe that we could be connected to things of the spirit. I felt humiliated and shamed. I told my 'spirit friends' that I needed to focus on things that were 'real' and that I couldn't talk with them anymore and I also stopped listening to them.
My life became very lonely, I immersed myself into my music. I had been learning to play the piano since I was five. I sat down and started to teach myself using a colored note method my parents had. I found it was easy for me to understand that each note as it went up the scale climbed the staff, or as it went lower on the staff the notes went down the piano keyboard. I was not able to read well, yet I had an uncanny understanding of how the piano and the notes in the music books worked. Music became my solace, my consolation, my friend.
I also began to read voraciously, mystery, biographies, science fiction, and the classics. Reading filled hours and hours each week. I could read most books in an evening, sometimes I would read 11/2 books in a day. I had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I had so many questions that I wanted answers to. My reading filled my life with a new kind of friends that filled the hours and kept me from feeling lonely. The written work fascinated me and opened the door to possibilities.
Life felt like a dream – it still feels like a dream. My experiences have shaped and sculpted my interior world and helped me to accept my exterior world, to embrace all of the good, as well as, release any negative experiences with love and gratitude for the lessons learned and the wisdom gained. Since the early 1980's I have openly screamed at the Gods for answers to my question, “Why?” And line upon line I have been taught by the spirit and guided to great teachers who walk the earth today teaching the Great Wisdom of the Ages as taught by Jesus Christ, Buddah, Rumi, Lao Tzsu and many others.
It is said that life is a journey, not a destination. I have come into a knowing that there are no accidents. Life is governed by Eternal Law that cannot be broken. The Law exists and governs the entire Universe and all that dwells therein, animal, mineral, plant, and the human species.
Everything is energy and therefore vibrates within the Law. Energy is Light, all Light is energy – yet, denser matter vibrates at a lower frequency of Light. Within the Universe exists the opposition of all things and all things being made up of Light/Energy. The highest frequency of light that has been calculated to my knowledge is Einstein's Theory: E=MC², the most dense matter would be the heaviest object in the universe.
Everything that is now within the physicality of life was once pure spirit. This too has a vibrational rate, this is the space where all existed as intelligence which we call: Love, Light, Joy and Peace. There was no opposition. It is our goal as human beings to transcend the opposition and to raise our vibrations to return to the Oneness of this Light. It is our journey and our quest, this is the Holy Grail that has been sought for centuries.
It exists within each of us as a Light to shine the way home. To open our hearts that they may heal from the oppositions we experience here upon the earth. To break the cycles of abuse and return to the Light that all may heal and live in peace. We each have encoded within us what I refer to as “The God Codes”. These codes reside in our hearts as our desires, in our bones as memory, and in our cell tissues as our genetic codes. They are to be respected, sought out and followed for it is within our power to transcend all of the dense matter/energy here upon the earth and return safely to that state of Oneness.
Blessings ~
